It is tough but it can be done. Hows the hobby situation going? My husband and I have a woman that is obsessed with us. Our son was No. Glad Im not married to you. I dont know what to do to resolve this situation. Ive taken the approach of the article but it doesnt work. Well, Dr, if you are still in the housesince I was 16 Ive been with this man. My biggest worry is she wont want to have children because she wont be capable of taking the time off riding. Substitute sailing for cars and thats my husband of 20+ years. Perhaps men are giving time to these hobbies because wives deny sex. I like to plan things in advance, bot be spontaneous. My Boyfriend or Husband is Addicted to Video Games Our son hates disc golf and Im starting to too. Just stuck and sad if I go sad to stay . Things like; monitored phone calls, monitored social media or even text messages are going to be the order of the day. My wife is obsessed with dressage. This is not something you can just do here and there, pick it up drop it etc etc. What I need is a way to cope. I am not separated from my husband while living in the same house but soon will be moving. We could not, he said, because he made plans with his dad. Every time I try that he already has plans or there isnt enough time to go. He has ED and hypogonadism and refuses to get anymore help. My Parents Dislike My Spouse But We Live With Them. He was my rock when I cared for my dying parents for the last 3 years. It hurts me cause I miss him but Im tired of always doing and not getting anything back. Im tempted to quit work after I deliver so he doesnt have my income anymore and has to take a more serious look at our finances. Frankly I dont even try to engage anymore while shes using it. We took the girls fishing and put on happy faces for the girls but it was very uncomfortable. Ive invested my owm money into his passion for so many years. How can I deal with my sexually obsessed husband? - NDTV Doctor He does beautiful work around our home and is a godsend. We are both retired so he only does it during daylight hours fortunately. Im gaining confidence in myself to make the right decision. Its just too much. My husband is the one that hates it. As long as you make time and love each other it should work out fine. In general, he is happy with me being around, but he probably worries I can hurt myself. I could have done better getting involved in her passion for her hobbies but was physically and emotionally drained by my work and the conflict in our marriage. No amount of persuasion from other parties would deter his feelings. Fast forward 13 years. ), and a hell of a lot more. It takes both to recognize and problem solve. This past Sunday I got mad at him when he asked to go and I said that this has become is new computer game that he is obsessing with and it is seeming more important to him than his family. Um. On the rare day she gets the afternoon off, she still has to be back at the yard by 4pm to give them dinner. Set limits. But he is constantly working on a project in the yard or the house, or garage or shed. This caused a lot of problems and distance between us emotionally. He wont help himself or eat well at all. Yes, I agree Heidi. He has gotten worse as he has aged. Im retired, and our two adult kids still live with us. He can not tolerate seeing me not work on a project or chore while hes working. Half the time when I cook, he says hes gonna eat but doesnt OR IF hes hungry, hell make a plate and yup, u guesssed it, back to the garage. Please pray for our marriage and for me to be able to speak to him kindly and lovingly. etc. Yes, go to therapy and address it. It can be really challenging to juggle all the competing priorities we are faced with dailymanaging the home, kids, our jobs and marriage. We fight about it occasionally but as I said I am made to feel like its my problem not his. I don't think you have gone into the relationship thinking that the son would be staying on a regular basis. Come the weekend, I want to get out and work on a project. See how close they are and how often they hang out. I was in a car accident broke my collarbone bone my hubby was so obsessed with building a fence. I have to beg him to take the family to a movie or something. Pray for us! Finding that shared experience together is the keythats when your spouses spirit will really open up. So he changed jobs frequently. He told me and everyone that our marriage was solid. My husband has a very obsessive personality. He wakes up in the morning immediately starts messing with his printer. We began discing everyday. he lives 42 miles away. You need to be able to tell your spouse, I love your hobby, and Id never ask you to let it go. You might find that you share the best conversations or experiences together during these times. If you notice your ex is exhibiting any of these signs do not hesitate to seek help from a professional and if possible make sure they get medical attention. I am feeling like there is no hope and that I should just give up . Ive asked him about it. Facilitator Signup At any given time in our marriage hes never had less than 3 cars and sometimes upwards of 10 a time. WHY? I have spent the last 15 years waiting on him every weekend to do things with our family and I finally thought we could do that and this made me realize that he is not going to change. This is very difficult for me because intimacy to me means that its something you lead up to after an evening of sharing time and romantic feelings. 10 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent | Psychology Today Causes. Its his obsession and passion only. Even after a breakup, they always feel the need to stay close and have access to your life. If he avoids his mother altogether . He takes hours and hours to respond to simple texts, constantly is dozing off in the middle of conversations because he is watching something boring on YouTube or stayed up too late playing a video game and then because he has autism doesnt understand why I would feel upset and he doesnt seem to really feel bad about any of it. I have tried everything I could, but unless I beg, he shuts me out. He won I just didnt see any point in it. The mother has been meal as well but also can be nice when she wants and will just try to be the kids things all the time. Learning to enjoy their hobbies has many blessings beyond belief! I also struggle with my spouse who spends most of his free time working on his fathers farm. I tried to do it lovingly with positive words trying to reassure him that I dont want him to give it up completely, just scale it down a bit, but he rolled his eyes and said So youre gonna start that again? So what do I do? I told him that when i agreed he could do league I was under the impression that it would be a once a week thing and that is it. If you are concerned that your son or daughter may be involved in a relationship that is abusive or violent, we encourage you to contact your local domestic violence project, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (799-7233), to find out your options to help your child to stay safe. Ive tried writing up a list of the repairs and he says to me who do you think you are giving me orders? Again really?????? Their advice was this: if I stayits my choice. When we do spend time together and go out, hes right back at it as soon as were home. After all, he works all week and the evenings are filled with making supper and bathing children, etc. HIs defense is.. One of the signs of obsessive ex syndrome is that the ex always tends to live in denial, they never accept the relationship is over. Objectively speaking, excepting one or two demands, most of the other demands and actions of your husband are rather harmless. drug coverage, This would cost me thousands on my own but I am retired and only draw $500 in SS on my own. We would play 2 rounds a day. You oversimplify this hobby obsession problem by assuming the unhappy spouses are boring and frigid. At the beginning, our relationship was decent. He just wants to be home working. I do not feel I am being hard or selfish in any way. I have 46 trophies of wild game in my house that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Ive been with my husband almost 15 years. Telling them youre no longer a couple will only fuel their need to reconcile.. Studying the vast and complicated world of relationships entices me, and I am constantly striving to learn more, so I can then help others with more knowledge and experience. I dont think this is exclusively something to do with men. I think one to two hours for 3-4 times a week is reasonable. I cant compete with this anymore. He spends almost 100% of his time working in the shop, racing, texting racing buddies, searching the internet endlessly for car parts and cars. Fast forward about thirty years and we are still in the same situation. I can relate to so many here. Whether its cars, golf, music I go to the gym daily but I know my priorities. He says he understands and that he agrees its too much, but the he goes and does it anyway. Summertime Love: Its Time to Reignite Your Intimacy, Help! You wont have to worry every night whether youre going to get any attention from your spouse. Abs if that doesnt work then join them? So they constantly stalk you hoping that one day they can either witness your heartbreak or get back with you to hurt/harm you. I have talked to him and encouraged him. He does work very hard; he is a General Contractor and his work gets very hectic. I had a very addictive personality and found if hard to not be all or nothing when I took on a job or hobby. dbosley24. He comes home from work and straight to the garage. I fucking hate it. My husband has taken it to the next level and is putting on car shows, two a year to be exact. He has always had limited funds for his projects and he enjoys doing a lot of the work himself. Support US, find our hobbies COOL, we will do the same for your hobbies, and guess what? BUT weve been married for 10 years and both of us are engineers. That means theres zero chance of him knowing youre checking up on him. But He is my home and I love him. Same here. But its almost like youre absent because your hobby is getting all your good energy.. The 3 Stages of a Dangerously Obsessive Ex | Psychology Today I try to suggest movies or tv shows to watch together but he will not watch anything I suggest. But if we arent doing anything besides sitting around the house together he gets upset because he couldve been out playing disc golf. So knew about his hobbies of racing & I didnt go to big events until later on, but Ive noticed if hes not working hes on his phone chatting about rc & if its not that hes helping out at the track. I also used to try to involve myself in his hobbies but I just cant even pretend to like it. Its like youre describing my life. Its great when the two of you can find common ground and cultivate shared activities, but what happens when your spouse is completely consumed by his or her own hobbies? Its affecting our sex life, along with his finances, and I cant seem to make him see any of the effects. This is being gone every night 8:30- 9 pm. My husband works 2 jobs (that he loves most days) so I can care for our children and I do appreciate it but he doesnt seem to understand that this takes a toll. He also couldnt take me out to dinner that night. God knows I love him and I want it to work. It seems the car addiction hobby is a common theme. Its been great, I just hope it lasts. He of course took offense to that which I dont blame him. There is little to no interaction with me. Every time I bring up the fact that I would like to come along more or miss I doing these activities together, he says Im acting jealous and am being unreasonable for not wanting to let him spend time with his friends. So we discussed this issue with our counselor. We seem fine now, but I know it will be an issue again this weekend. It is super boring and I really couldnt care less about cars. I am just expected to basically man up and get over it. I ask him to go do things together to make sure he knows I want to spend time with him. I get that having his routine and hobbies is important for sure, but he has no time restrictions and will do this during all his waking hours on his days off if Im not there or the entire time before and after work. Benefits. get out because you cant change the man, they got to change themselves. We have got into a few big fights over this the last few months, which makes me just resort back to my project cause I dont want to be around her at that point, which fuels the fire. He no longer does family stuff with us let alone eats with us. Perhaps I have wasted my heart for 4 decades on this man. I raised the kids alone, tried working to fill the gaphelped our family members pass to the other sideand now in my 50s Im lonelier than ever. 7 years on Ive given up all hope to have him participating as a husband. Right now its fishing. The last 2 months the time I have spent on it including reading about the bike and things Im planning I have spent about 5 hours on it. incredible information yu just shared in your blog, thank you. . Sometimes the greatest times of connection youll have with your spouse are when you purposefully step into his or her passion and spend a little time there instead of fighting against it. When we were dating it was a computer game and as silly as it sounds, it came down to me or the game because he would invite me over to watch a movie but he would sit at his computer and game out while I was supposed to watch the movie. She has joined the womens camper van association of Ireland and goes to archery events, music festivals and girls weekends every week. This isnt necessarily good advice, not all of it is idiotic, but most of it will be a waste of these peoples time. Great info unless you are a man and your hobby happens to be house cleaning. But over the last few months it as, if weve been out once a week im lucky. Some partners or ex-partners tend to be very aggressive when they encounter situations they can't control, be it at work, in school, or in a relationship. He has over 30 cars and motorcycles. Jae Im sorry and know how you fell. I have joined him hundreds of times just so tired of the selfishness. When he comes home from work or golf, hes dead tired, has a cocktail or two and by the time dinner is done hes fast asleep in his chair and usually doesnt wake up until time to go to bed. He makes me feel guilty that Im not doing projects efficiently and to his standard, as if we are on some deadline. My question is, how do I approach him now without him immediately becoming defensive? Video games, watching YouTube, watching movies or tv and it completely consumes his time and our time together. Revenge obsession occurs when your ex-partner wants you to be punished for causing him pain. In other cases, theyll try to sabotage any genuine relationship you have in hopes to get you dependent on them even after the breakup. Even after a breakup, they always feel the need to stay close and have access to your life. Ive always felt it was unfair and selfish of him to never think of my interests or needs, but I guess he needed to be told and guided. So not only is he gone all day Monday between work and league but then he wants to play on Saturdays and sundays too. Our sex life became non-existent within 1 year of our later in life marriage. Hi I totally can relate to everyones issues. I am fed up! While it can make life interesting to be married to someone who is so deeply engaged with an activity they love, it can quickly become difficult. He also counts steps religiously. His hobbies vary, but hes into cars, hunting and fishing. We both got comfortable, where we didn't have to spend much time together. He also started buying old Harleys and restoring them so I thought that would fill in the gap. He played all growing up and then went out of country to play baseball semi-pro. Its exhausting. A preoccupation with sexual matters, however, does not only occur as . He turned it around and told me to come with them then. 2. I have to foot all the bills to run our house. I guess I either put up with it or leave. I just want the freedom to do the things I want, and her to do the things she wants. Playing or practicing at leadt 3 nights a week and playing tournaments every weekend that take up almost all of the weekend. I think what upsets me most is that he is out having fun with people that are half his age. If the amount of time he puts into making contact with you overshadows his time with his father, mother, or even other women, then hes probably obsessed. It was a miracle when priest love helped me restored back my broken marriage in the next seven days [Whats [App] +..234 .. 961.. ..570.504 just in case you have similar issues, capable of solving any kind of life problem etc. He had a friend of his move into a trailer on our property to work on his cars. NO. Why is it only me making scarifies? We cant do anything without taking him with us or having a sitter. He is always telling me how he has all these chores or things to do, but guess what? AITA for telling my husband to stop disrespecting our surrogate? He has been around way more, spending more time with me and our son every evening and on the weekends. Ive been fishing with him lots of times but I just would like to do something relaxing or something that I want to do for once. Thats how to identify an obsessive ex syndrome. i went homeless because i left mine, i didnt care but a month later i remarried and now im happier then ever , you got to takes chances and go for it otherwise your not living your just surviving , live your life and take back your control. The constant fear and difficulty in holding a casual/friendly conversation with anyone else because your ex-partner will probably cause a scene or confront the person shows he has obsessive ex syndrome and can be dangerous.
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my husband is obsessed with his son
